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[07 Sep 2007|12:58am] |
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my job is sooooo boring! two more hours of this crap!
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[15 May 2007|07:17pm] |
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i have one final to go, and i cant focus. i'm too tired, too stressed, and too ready for my first year of college to be over.
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| wow |
[07 Apr 2007|02:23pm] |
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so Brand New is amazing live. what a pleasant surprise!
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| ? |
[20 Mar 2007|03:30pm] |
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mood |
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 dirty |
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so someone stole my livejournal picture and created a fake account on flukiest. how exciting!
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[04 Mar 2007|08:11pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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30 seconds to mars |
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i cant sleep.
it worries me. ITS MY FAVORITE THING TO DO!!!
i can't even begin to explain whats been on my mind. i'm probably going crazy.
i don't want to be crazy.
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[28 Dec 2006|10:09pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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everyone loves to remember,
loves to throw it in my face.
let it be known to the world that my father abandoned me.
He chose his friends over you, remember?
as if the thought had slipped my mind.
It is forever tacitly engraved my heart.
How could I simply forget his cruel words so scornfully dictated to me that night?
However i have found it in my heart to forgive him,
to love him as i always have.
After all, i am still daddy's little girl.
I am still the same little girl that sat on his lap, laughing, playing, loving him.
He has been more than a father to me for most of my life.
I cannot simply throw away those loving feelings i have for him.
He hurt me profoundly, but i cannot pretend to be free of blame.
I am of fault.
I too was once overcome by scorn,
by immature 14 year old attitudes.
I am not so naive,
i know i too have faults.
so please, don't bother to remind me,
for i know very well when i am not loved.
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[07 Nov 2006|01:06am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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bitter sweet symphony |
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so i just went to chris ramirez's myspace and read his comments, and they're all from his younger sibilings. the one anthony his second to youngest brother made me start bawling. i cant stop crying. i hadnt seen him in over a year before he died. then my brother IMed me and i'm realizing how much we dont talk, and i really love him. and i wish i wasnt such a bitch to him all the time.
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[30 Oct 2006|06:05pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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i'm happy. smiling for no apparent reason. and iiii like it :)
annnnd now its time for my chem lab!
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[20 Oct 2006|09:15pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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monday night, about an hour after i got back from my chem lab, i started getting really itchy, but i thought it was just my clothes being uncomfortable. well it got really itchy, so i took a look. lo and behold i had a huge red rash on my neck and on my right side. i freaked out and told everyone on my floor, they supplied aloe vera. the next day i go to the doctor and she told me it was just part of my cold and perscribed my some zorax or something, its like benadril, however you spell it. well it kept getting worse and along with it came a fever, vomitting, lack of an appetite, dizziness, and lack of strength. i went to the er yesterday, for about six hours and the doctor just told me it was an allergic reaction and gave me some steriods, benadrill, and some cream stuff. i still feel like shit, and i litterally look like a walking disease, too bad i dont have a camera because i would really like to document this as lizzy's worst rash ever, and first allergic reaction. i threw up last night. damnit, i just want to be. just be. if that makes sense. i've slept almost the entire week and had to take two midterms yesterday. arg.
i feel like i only come here to complain, but i mean thats what journals are for right? an introspective collection of my innermost thoughts and feelings? i dont feel well.
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| sherwood. |
[23 Sep 2006|02:05pm] |
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college life scares me.
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[04 Sep 2006|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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music |
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the format |
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living in san diego with people i dont know has made me realize how lonely i am. or maybe its just the "drama" of moving out, again.
i could go for a nice long hug.
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| at ease soldier. |
[30 Aug 2006|11:02am] |
as i sit here with my over the counter sushi(which isnt that bad, and quite spicy)i begin to realize that my life is completely, appalingly different. actually, i would have to be this is my second painstaking realization. the first, great awakening, was when i got food poisoning from an aweful burrito from hell. i threw up 9 times, including all over myself the first. what a wonderful way of introducing myself to my roommate. i didnt eat for two and a half days. today was my first day eating, and i'm on sushi roll number 3. all i remember thinking was i wish my mommy was here to hold my hair back, or clean up my mess. i know thats an aweful thing to expect from a mother, but its what she does best. she keeps me sane; helps me keep it together. granted we talked for hours over the past few days, many of those composed of her telling me i should have never have left her side.
my legs and arms are sore. i have walked so many miles since i have been here. its quite aweful. i cant even begin to imagine how life was before cars, bikes, even scooters and skateboards. i, of course, am lacking all of these so i must rely on my two new best friends. i already have a blister.
on the morning of my worst night, i had to walk a mile across campus and pick up my 14!!! books and carry them the entire way back. i dont know how i'm still alive. i had absolutely nothing in my stomach, which should mean no energy. not to mention it was in the very high 90s. that bringing me to mention that i love each and every one of you just in case= i do die from either a heat stroke, lack of nutrients, or just lack of love in general.
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[07 Aug 2006|08:55pm] |
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mood |
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 infuriated |
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your ignorance dumbfounds me. for years you have been a source of frustration. it was engraved into me that i am the loki, the sole provoker. none have ever looked at your innocent being before as an instigator. it has always been me. i have ed so many tears, bruised so many tissues. when i went away, it was as if i shed fifty pounds of lead from upon my shoulders, only to have a hundred pounds of feathers thrust back. you all disdainfully make it clear, in body and spirit. you have no regards for my emotions. just because i distanced myself physically from all the pain, doesnt mean i distanced myself emotionally. practically alone, in spirit to say least; i licked my wounds, made things happen. a small financial support was all that was given, through clenched fists at that. but i turned the other way, shed my emotions, became the ear to all of you. i have endured all that i can endure, cried myself to sleep, and have awoken to bloodshot eyes. yet, i still find it in my heart to be complacent. to smile when i'm around the only people who can truly make me happy. the only people who can at the same time drive me to rage. an uncontrollable rage that has left my hand bruised for days on end, windshields shattered, and countless broken items. i scare myself. i fear turning into what has broken my heart;people filled with so much anger that leave others in despair. very rarely do i succumb to these feelings. but you, you and your sly remarks, disrespectful glares, and annoyingly stupid facades, drive me insane. you're an inconsiderate, rude, obnoxious, stupid, annoying, and even smelly little boy. simply glaring upon your face leads me to envisioning your demise at my fists. never have i loathed anyone to this extent. all i ask is for your kindness, maybe a please and a thank you every once a while. i do have to "love" you unconditionally, at least make it a little easier for me to pretend.
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[06 Aug 2006|01:29pm] |
i'm tired of feeling this way. i'm ready to take control of my life again.
oh and fuck pink eye. i have it in both eyes.
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| questionable. |
[28 Jul 2006|11:26am] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
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music |
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E! daily 10 hosts. |
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i feel like my life is wasting away in what is the quintessential of television, gansitos, and the internet. for the first time in a year i have absolutely nothing to do. i wake up, eat breakfast with my mother, see her off at around ten thirty, and spend the rest of the day doing nothing. i watched tv for seven hours straight yesterday. i didnt even really get bored. maybe it hasnt been going on long enough. i dont feel like doing anything, i didnt even really eat yesterday.
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| the Eagles. |
[28 Jun 2006|02:59pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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i really want to play halo right now.
but nobody wants to play!!!
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| summer plans |
[21 Jun 2006|04:02pm] |
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music |
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the academy is... |
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so i havent even graduated yet.
i get my cap and gown tommorow.
i fly to pensacola on the first, and i leave on the 21st.
then i'm going to texas on the 25th until the 17thish of august.
Then i shall arrive at the dorms of SDSU on the 25th of August.
looks like i'll only be seeing my friends and family here for a total of like ten days. damnit. but i do get to see all of my loved ones everywhere else! i'm pretty excited.
i just need to graduate first.
my mommy and little brother fly in tommorow.
i need to eat, i'm up for chick fil a, but its like a twenty minute drive.
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[01 Jun 2006|11:44am] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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music |
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saves the day |
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i have come to the conclusion that boys are like periods. i could go on forever about this.
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| happy easter! |
[16 Apr 2006|02:33am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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iron and wine |
] |
nine month anniversary today with the bf. thats pretty tight.
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lizzybizzy's journal